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Season's change


Today,I got home at the break of the day...You know,this beautiful and almost melancholic hour that light starts creeping through the sky...And it suddenly dawned on me,summer is here...Blue sky in the morning,flowers that have blossomed,sun that crawls up your skin and people with light clothes.It seems that I kept registering all these little details,without really understanding their meaning...But the unmistakable sound of children playing in the streets and that of laughter of group of friends from their balconies,somehow finally catched up with me and brought me back to reality...

I wan never a big fun of the summertime...My favorite season is autumn,in all its golden-orange glory and its beautiful nostalgic feeling...But right now I couldn't be more happy that seasons change.It feels like both circumstances and my own thoughts had closed me in  a constant winter...Cold,deserted and rather dark...I'm not quite there yet,but sun started shining again and it feels good...

Exams are coming up,always a stress.But after that,a long summer awaits,a summer full of possibilities and an even greater prospect for the new year...(somehow,I still feel like my year begins in september,along schools or uni courses...)

With a new day always around the corner,I'm gonna be good...

Jan. 27th, 2009


I know,it's been ages since I wrote anything here...Or that's what it feels like to me...It's not that I'm always busy with real life or that I'm not into internet stuff anymore...It's just that I don't feel like having anything to say.I'm too confused with what's happening everyday,too tired and what I mostly feel these days is that I'm not enough...Not good enough,somehow inadequate to do the things I'm supposed to do.Last week was one of my worsts ever...It has been a long time since I had a breakdown and last week I had two in the row...Evenings spent feeling lonely and crying myself to sleep,with no reason at all...At least not an apparent one...I wake everyday thinking that I'll put an order in my life and start doing what it's best for me only for the night to find me without having done anything...I don't know if it's the situation at home that has gotten so much to me,the upcoming exams or my general feelings of loneliness and the complaints I have from my self...I know that's it's the first time in my life that I have so many people I can turn to and talk with and yet everyone seems to be so faraway,unattainable and unavailable in some way...When I'm with my friends or at uni everything seems to be ok,and then I get home at night feeling tired and almost drained,even if I haven't done something tiring.I laugh and I joke but I crave my home and my time alone only to rebel when I get there...It doesn't make sense and I honestly don't know why I'm writing all these now and here where anyone can read them.I keep dreaming and wanting different things only to wake up and see I've got none of it.And I do appreciate what I have,I really do.It's just that sometimes it's not enough,sometimes we all need something more,someone other...And this need creates a hole,a hole that sometimes is a tiny,little thing and some other times it gets big and scary...I guess mine has become too big lately...Too big and I  can't find a way to patch thing up...

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Happy New Year everyone!!Back in Athens once again,emptying suitcases getting ready to pack them again for Komotini.

New York was fantastic,everything it was supposed to be and even more...A city that never sleeps,the center of the world...Busy and intense,full of people and energy,with amazing places and beautiful moments...I went to museums and the big highlights as the Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building,I walked to Times Square full of the neon signs and people,visited Soho and Chinatown,saw the view from the top,tasted a hot-dog on the street...LOL!!I loved every moment of it,and although it still seems so surreal that I've been to this place that I only knew through movies and books,it's an experience that I'll hold very close to my heart from now on...The most breathtaking view was from the Brooklyn Bridge as the night was settling above the city and its lights went on...A moment of beauty really...

Back here now,more aware than ever of the world that is out there,awaiting to be seen and experienced and more determined to make it and live my life the way I want to.Reality as predicted was here to welcome me back,back I'm trying to persuade myself that I'll make it.And you know what?I think I will...

Dec. 25th, 2008

Merry Christmas to everyone!!I don't know where you are all and how you spend these days,but I hope you have fun,you are with good friends and family and feel good...These are my wishes for these days and for the year that is about to knock on our door...

Today we had the traditional family lunch,with all the grandparents,parents,uncle etc...It was nice,familiar and comforting and tomorrow I'm off on a plane and to New York for the next ten days.I am rather anxious for this trip but I hope once I get there to calm down and enjoy myself as I usually do on trips...I am pretty determined to leave all bad behind me for these days,I'm pretty sure there will be here when I get bad...

So,many many wishes to all my friends for a Happy New Year,have fun and take care of yourselves and those you love!I'll talk to you soon!!

As usual,bye for now...

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Back in Athens for the Christmas Holidays...Strange feelings once again,this time more than ever...I guess the last traces of the luxury of ignorance left me long ago...So,here I am in my house,aware of everything that goes on and with no way of solving it...I'm not sure I make sense,but can't say I care that much.I am a firm believer that when a situation gets bad then you find your way out...You might ignore it for some time,but how long can one keep pretenses and shut out everything?Christmas at home with no Christmas spirit...Don't get me wrong,I know that world has way too many problems and I'm also aware how lost is the true meaning of Christmas,but you know what?I need the magic,I need to feel that everything is gonna be fine,I need to know that people will face the problems and solve them,always respecting and accepting each other.Right now I do need to feel that even for a day,we can look at each other and smile and feel good...

Insanity rules us...


Feels like we live in a bad dream,waiting to wake up...The past four days have been days of tension and anxiety...A 15 year old boy was  murdered by a policeman on Saturday and all hell broke loose from that moment...There are protests and riots everywhere...People who manifest against the unjust violence are mixed with those who destroy everything with no reason...The whole country is in a turmoil and all we can do is watch things as they unfold in front of our eyes...

As long as I was still in school I used to know what was going on but without taking an active role in it...Today I went to my first manifestation...And I felt good and proud because a big group of students marched through my little city of Komotini,expressing our protest against what's hapenned and asking for justice...A protest that caused no problems or fears...A protest where the police didn't make an appearance...And I felt enraged and furious when a bunch of I don't know what to call them took 3 garbage cans and put fire on them,forcing the police to intervene and challenging them in a small battle...I felt shame that our act of peaceful protest was being used as a cover for creating problems...I felt fear that people of my age can't see beyond their small beliefs and understand that violence cannot be dealt with violence...And I still feel fear for what I'm gonna see tomorrow and the day after...Yes,our country is ruled by insanity but we cannot destroy what little good there is and then ask for more...We don't deserve more if we can't respect each other and the few things we have...

I don't think that things can go worse...It's been four days,the riots are going strong and fear and anger has paralyzed my country...I'm afraid that from this moment we'll start turning against each other...The only thing that gives me some hope is that once you hit bottom,the only way there is,is the way towards the rise...I don't think we can go much below that...A child was murdered,the police and the state in general are completely incapable of protecting us and people is angry...I can only hope this anger will help turn to right direction...But then again I don't keep my hopes that up...


I've just settled in my new apartment after three days of packing and moving...I'm really satisfied with it,it's really beautiful and warm...Tomorrow my friend and I,we're going to Athens to see our friend and bring her some stuff...I'll be back some time time next week...

Not really news I know,but that's for now...:-)

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I wish I came here in a good mood,ready to talk about the nothings and the everythings of my life,but I come here today very sad...Yesterday we received the news that the father of one of my best friends died...And it's the same friend that in June lost her mother from cancer...I mean...Couldn't she have a break??It's not enought to loose your mother who fought this disease for two years,much more that the original prediction of her doctors,but you got to loose you dad too,and just at the time where you started to form a better relationship with him...Now she and her brother are alone!She faces the possibility and very likely the probability of giving up her studies to stay with her younger brother and make sure he's okay...And it's awful,because that girl even with everything she has gone through she still has a smile upon her face,she still cares for the others,she still support us and makes us feel good...And it's unfair!And it's awful!And in the end inconceivable...From yesterday afternoon I feel like I am in a bad dream and I hope to wake up and see that nothing is true...That everything is back in its usual place...But I know that won't happen...And the worst part of all,it's not just what happened...It's the fear and the similtaneous relief that it didn't happen to me...I don't know if that makes me a bad person or just human,I don't really care...I think that whoever and if there is someone upthere,then he is playing a really hard game on some people...And I don't think it's just or good...

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That was it!It's a closed deal!It's decided and organized...New Year will find me celebrating in NEW YORK!!!!My apointment went well and I got my visa so the only thing left is find all the things I want to do and make my plans...I'll be getting there on the 26th of December and I'll be back on the 6th of January...I'm really excited because I thought it would be a place that I would see much later in my life and the fact that I'm going there before I even turn 19,seeing it all decorated and beautiful and with pretty good company too,makes me so happy!!I'll be with my cousin,her husband,both very active and fun and my aunt...It feels pretty surreal but it's happening!!

As much as the rest of my life is concerned,I finished with the computer program,I'm trying to catch up and find my rhythm with uni and...I'm moving out and in to my new apartment...Tomorrow I'll start packing and on Monday I plan to go to all the services(water,electricity,phone) to make arrangements...By the end of the next week I'll be probably settled!

Well,that's from now...It's rather late and uni starts early tomorrow!Goodnight!

Hopefully today is gonna be the day I'm done with the computer program that has taken up my evenings...So I keep my fingers crossed about that! 

In other news,I finally found a new apartment!I'll move in at the end of the month and there will be no more drama(I hope!!).

And tomorrow I'm going to Athens for an apointment that if goes well,I'll be one happy girl,but more on that upon my return!

And I think,that's it for today...